Monday, January 27, 2014

Predicting the future with asparagus

Meet Jemima Packington, the world’s only Asparamancer – a mystic who can predict the future using asparagus. Ned Donovan sent her some pictures of asparagus to see what the future holds.


There is an attitude in today’s world that rejects the mysticism of tarot readers and astrologers. It is fortunate, then, that there’s a new profession to bring forth your fortune from the mists of time. Her name is Jemima Packington, and she is the Asparamancer. 

Asparagus mystic, Jemima Packington

The Asparamancer lives a lonely life, for she is the only one of her kind and has no mentors or prodigies, nor established practices. But from the humble tips of asparagus, Jemima can see the future. Having complete faith in the wonders of the vegetable, I wrote to her and crossed her palm with journalistic promises. I asked to go to her, but this was rebuffed so as to preserve the sanctity of the Asparagus Grove, and instead I was requested to send some pictures of asparagus.

I went to Waitrose, where disaster struck. As it is January, and far from asparagus season in the UK, there was only the imported Peruvian variety to buy. Upon closer inspection, there was an even graver danger: they only had asparagus tips. The next morning I turned up in the office and began to throw asparagus up into the air, letting it fall onto my desk. Pictures were taken and duly sent off, I awaited a reply…

For the rest of the story:

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